A terrifying illusion is at play in my life. I know it to be a lie and yet it persists. It tortures me and mocks me and gives little space to breathe. My brain screams to turn away and yet my heart cannot hear. The illusion (all is not well), has long been in hibernation. The falsehood kept at bay as consciousness and awareness have flowered. And yet I can hear it (all is not well); it booms and swells with unheard of tenacity drowning out the truth slowly slipping through my fingers. I am scared. Irrational fear to be sure; yet fear nonetheless. Fear that the lie (all is not well) is stronger than God. Fear that the lie IS God. Fear that the lie is becoming the truth. And companioning with the fear; a new friend... depression. An unfamiliar place. A perplexing apathy. A confusing desire to retreat, to hide; to enshroud myself within blankets and darkness. The sun becomes my nemesis; my closest confidant a dreary day. I am spiritually adrift.